Tag Archive | pain

Don’t worry…I GOT IT!!!

   

© 2011 By Marta VanGerwen

I can’t make it through another day!  The pain is unbearable!  I feel like my life is over!  I have no hope!  I can’t keep up this façade.  Why did this happen?   It’s so unfair!  These statements have been uncovered during many coffee times with precious women that are going through difficult times in their lives.  And some represent the cry of my own heart.   The older I get the more I realize that life is mostly hard, but…..God is good.   There are days when I am so saddened by the burdens that family and friends are walking through that all I can do is –  cry out to Jesus for a miracle.  Some may wonder where God is, and why does He allow so much pain?  Does He really care?   It seems the hardships appear to be escalating whether it be financial, physical or emotional.   So what are we to do with so much pain?  What do we say to one another as we face the daily challenges that come our way?  Can we trust that God’s got it?   Or is it easier to worry and wonder?  Is there comfort found in resting in the goodness and faithfulness of God, or is it more assuring to try and figure it all out?

I remember the day that I found out my daughter was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  Waiting for the MRI results had proven to be agonizing.   I spent hours online looking up the possibilities of what it could be based on her very abnormal eye activity.  The doctor suspected a brain tumor.  And while the wealth of information afforded us online is truly amazing, in moments like these it can be overwhelming.  At my fingertips I found every imaginable thing it could be.  By the time we went to the doctor to get the results I was convinced my daughter had a brain tumor. 

“Well,” said the doctor, “I have good news.  It is not a brain tumor.”  “Yes!”  I was overjoyed.  But I have other news.” continued the doctor.  “ Your daughter has MS.”   What?   It was like someone punched my stomach and knocked the air out of me.  More like the life out of me.  I wanted to scream.  Amidst the turmoil quickly brewing in my heart I thought,  No this is my daughter!  It can’t be!  I just brought her in because her eyes were doing strange things.  She will be fine.  She does not have MS.  This is just like the other visits where she has a virus and she will be better in a few days.  But the stark reality of the moment seized my attention, and I was forced to face what was unfolding.   I was overtaken with crippling fear.  What did this unexpected turn mean for my daughter?  How would we face this trial?

The doctor waited while I gained my composure and my sweet daughter sat there staring at the wall wondering what in the world just happened.  Thinking, “ Im 12 years old and you are telling me that I have an adult disease.”   I always knew she was an extraordinary girl but it was completely confirmed on that day.  She sat there with the poise of a champion listening to her doctor explain what her future held with this invasive disease.   Only 2% to 5% of children have MS.  And my daughter was now calculated in that small percentage.  Like an arrow striking her out of millions of children.

I am thankful the trials that come into our lives don’t come with complete enlightenment, but only with what is needed for the moment.  For if on that day the window to the future would have been opened,  unveiling what was ahead for my daughter it would have been seemingly too much to handle.  But that is the gift of grace provided by our Lord, that He only gives us the strength we need for each day to get through whatever may come   – moment by moment.

And while it is often hard to understand why the hardships come, I am moving into a deeper understanding that the storms of life truly do point us to a loving God who holds our lives strategically in His care.  Nothing goes unnoticed by Him.  And while the doubts shout with potency throughout our minds,  there is a calm in the storm that can be counted on.  There is a peace that settles in our hearts like a trusted friend.  While our situation may seem to be coming undone God is anchoring every broken piece with certainty.   A surety that no matter what… “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall ABIDE  under the shadow of the almighty.  Psalm 91:1

My darkest moments have been drenched with the radiance of a nurturing and loving God who not only holds us,  but guides us through the unexpected storms of life.

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you;  but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.”  1 Peter 4:12-13

Most of life is sprinkled with uncertainty and lacking the WHY answers.  We are not to know everything.  And I imagine there are profound reasons why our view on this side of eternity is limited.    “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face;  now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.”    1 Corinthians 13:12      And so while we may not have the answers we do have the assurance that the God who fashioned this world can and will most certainly bring us through anything that comes our way.    One thing is for sure and you can bank on this  – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all…Psalm 34:17-19a

Somehow I can visualize God declaring from heaven….Don’t worry…I GOT IT!!!     

More to come on RisenDreams…as always I welcome your comments….

Marta        

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

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Control…control…control…

WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE?

© 2011 By Marta VanGerwen

How many times have you been lunged into a new course in life?  The unexpected comes.   The loss of a loved one, a sickness overtakes your body, a job change,  or having to move to a new place.  Or a relationship is crushed as the imperfections of our humanness take center stage. Life can be very hard and painful.  It is filled with continuous change.  And I resist change.  I am a control freak.  Yes, I admit it.  I like to be in control.  Or should I say I live with the notion that I am in control.

I wonder if there is a sense of comfort in thinking we are in control.  And yet when the largeness of life comes, I am continually reminded just how much I am not in control.  I certainly did not have the power to control my exit from Cuba.  Or in the case of my amazing 17-year-old daughter who was diagnosed with MS four-years ago.  If I was in control I would not have willed her to be diagnosed with this terrible disease.

When my life set sail literally on a new course out of Cuba I had no idea what awaited me on the other side.  My heart resisted the change with everything within me.  From that point on I developed the pattern of wanting to control my own life.  I embraced the perception that if I could just control the situations of my life, I would never again have to feel the pain that had infiltrated my heart.

But something remarkable has happened in my life that has carried me from the passage to pain to the passage of freedom.  For as much as I have strived to be in control I have miraculously discovered the joy of letting go.  My journey out of Cuba not only provided me with the right to freedom as a human being versus the grip of communism and or socialism.  But it was also to be the catalyst that would unfold the path to the freedom for my soul,  whereby I would experience the life saving grace of Jesus Christ.

What’s on the other side?  The beauty in life is really found in the continuous metamorphosis that surrounds our journey.  A journey filled with new beginnings and new seasons and the adjustments that come with the ever-changing scope of our life.  God has placed us in this world infused us with the ability to love, hurt, feel, think and even doubt, and sets us on a journey of grand mystery.  The unpredictable looms every day.  And yet we are to trust, have faith, and move forward in the unseen.

Quite often, it may seem that staying in the current situation we are in is easier than facing where God may want to take us.  When God rattles our world, we can suddenly be hit with sticky fingers clutching the very life we have grown accustomed to having, yet knowing how desperately we need to let go.

I never could have envisioned what that painful passage of change from Cuba to Spain to America would provide for me.  That I would have the privilege to live in this great nation, to be blessed with everything I need and to experience learning a new language and a new culture.

You see on this side of change it’s hard to see all that God is up to.  But this is where letting go of the illusion of control, and allowing the powerful hand of God to move in our lives comes to play.  There is a peaceful confidence to life when we are being guided by Someone much greater than us.  Someone that knows the beginning to the end of our journey, and knows what is best for our life.

What is awaiting us on the other side of change?  What is God asking of us today?  Let go, trust Him and watch and see what God does in your life as you surrender to Him.

“Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within in us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever.  Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

© 2011 Marta VanGerwen

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.